Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2009 13:42:49 GMT -5
I went to go see the movie and I just have to comment on some aspects of it.
So, where to begin? How about the beginning?
We are first introduced to the bad guy (McCullen) pimpin' his nano-technology to NATO. Mmmkay. A shipment of 4 warheads using this nano-technology (which can destroy a city by eating everything in sight until the warhead specific kill switch is deployed) are going to be DRIVEN (because planes would be what?? FASTER??) to the NATO pickup loacation.
Enter Duke, not yet part of Joe, and Ripcord (played by M. Wayan) to provide security with their troop. As they are driving in some remote area, a very cool looking plane comes in for the attack, using a blue-laser technology that kicks Duke's troop's ass.
Wait. I understand that we need to make sure everyone know the bad guys can kick ass, but weren't the good guys and bad guys on even ground with their ass-whoopin' toys?? Let's continue...
So enter Baroness...yeah yeah she looks good, but when she sees Duke, she falters, and instead of killing him, just takes the warheads and attempts to leave.
Wait. Duke and Baroness were LOVERS?? WTF??
After casting Duke a googly-eyes glance the Joes descend. A messy battles ensues, with the Joes recovering the warheads and taking the only two survivors, Ripcord and Duke, back to "the Pit", or Joe headquarters. Enter Scarlett, General Hawk, Breaker, The British Black Guy who is the Ammo expert, and Snake Eyes.
A mass testosterone induced "yeah I can train as a Joe and be better than any recruit" ensues for Duke and Ripcord, who join the Joes after some intense training with a stupid played out song over top of the training. Duke lets it be known that he knows the Baroness, aka Ana, and what she used to be all about.
Before I continue, they injected several flashback scenes into the movie to further develop each character. It was a nice effect for the most part, except when the epic battles were taking place. I don't care that the Baroness was having flashbacks of kissing Duke!! So here are the developments:
Duke and Ana and Rex: Duke and Ana are obviously lovers, and before being deployed, Duke pops the question to Ana. She says yes, and makes Duke promise that he will protect her brother Rex, the only family she has. *groan* Duke agrees, and off they go. rex is killed in action (what? you didn't see that coming?) and leaves Ana since he couldn't face her. SO the bitch lost out on the love of her life AND her brother. And she went to the evil side? Say it ain't so!!
McCullen: Back in the 1400's, McCullen's ancestor was busted for dealing arms to both sides (English and French, I think) so he was forced to wear a metal mask for the rest of his life. Fast forward to today, where the "Destro" of today is a...you guessed it...arms dealer who deals to both sides.
Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow: Ah yes, the two ninjas who kick awesome ass in this movie. They weren't brothers, as you might have thought, but SS was a rich boy that beat up SE when he broke in and tried to steal food. SS Master invited SE in as a guest, and he kind of just stuck around. SS hated this, so he "trained", or beat his ass, regularly. One day, SE was the better "student", and the Master was very pleased. Well, this pissed of SS and he knifed the old Master. SE took a vow of silence..wait, what? Ugh, whatever. So the two are mortal enemies.
Scarlett: Um, well, she is just a brainiac who graduated college at 12.
Alright, thus ends the character development. So, where were we? Ah ok, The Pit. Of course, the enemy regroups and decides to get the case back. Enter "Cobra Commander", although he is never really introduced as such, and by the way, WHERE THE HELL IS YOUR COBRA MASK?? he tells Destro all about his drones he makes by injecting "recruits" with nanobots....oh come on! You mean that in today's world, people can't really just join the bad guys, they have to be INJECTED?! So his "drones", SS and Baroness go after The Pit to get the warheads which is in a case that has a tracking devi...*sigh*. Really? Ok, ok, let's go on.
Enter Epic battle - Cobra VS Joe on Joe's own stomping grounds. remember what I said about the blue laser that kicks Joe's asses? Well, it's back. Now here is a major rant of mine...
Both Joe and Cobra HAD THE SAME TYPE OF TECHNOLOGY. And it wasn't shoot-'em-up bullets, they were lasers. Joe was BLUE, Cobra was RED. But it was almost always an equal battle. No, not here.
Cobra possess some really bad-ass laser types that annihilate the Joe base. Warheads taken. The enemy leave.
The warheads are activated. Let's go to Paris, where SS and Baroness try to destroy Paris by launching the warhead at the Eiffel Tower. Here, and only here, are where the power suits come in. After a long, LONG chase scene, the warhead is launched. The nanobots start to destroy Paris, but Duke catches up to Baroness,who has the kill switch, and as she jumps onto the get away, er ship, he presses the kill button (located conveniently on her belt). Bye bye Duke - to the enemy base.
At the Cobra base, the Baroness meets up with Destro and Cobra Commander. CC decides to make Duke a drone, and the Baroness has problems controlling...her..emotio...really?? REALLY??
Rant #2: Baroness is a fucking BAD GUY! She had the hots for Duke, but she wouldn't ...ah, never mind. The worst is yet to come.
Hey, thank goodness that damn case with the warheads HAS A TRACKING DEVICE!! For the love of...ya know, I would have ditched the case! Any...way...the remaining 3 warheads are settled into missiles and launched (one good thing is there is no monologue-ing here - got warheads? Check. Missiles? Check. Launch...now. 5 second countdown, not 24 hour countdown. Good job.) so the 4 Joes (Scarlett, Breaker, SE, Ripcord) get to the enemy base in time to see the missiles launched. Love that tracking device. So anywho, a Night Raven (secret type of jet) is conveniently perched at the entrance of the secret lair which only has 2 guards...whatever...and off Ripcord goes to save the world.
Scarlett and Breaker have to get to the missile control spot in the lair so they can guide Ripcord, and SE...well, he goes off looking for the "Pulse Cannon" control room, because the rest of the Joe team just arrived underwater, and the Cobra blue-laser thingie is kicking their ass. Once in the missile control room, Scarlett and Breaker guide Ripcord to destroying the missiles and save the world. But, what about Duke?
Duke is set up in the operating room so that CC can infect him with the nanobots and make him a drone. I won't give away the twist there, but enter the Baroness, all kinds of pissed off that someone is going to fuck up her old lover. She tried to stop CC, but- oh wait! SHE is infected with nanobots too, and that makes HER a drone!! Oh well SURE! Of course! She wouldn't be THAT much of a bitch to join an evil army hell bent on getting revenge on her lover!! The Baroness is down, Destro comes in all pissy that HIS fuck buddy is laying on the floor, and Duke gets away, carrying the Baroness while CC and Destro....well, run for their lives because the Joes are kicking their ass since SE destroyed the Pulse Cannon.
Epic battle/chase scene. SE vs SS, Scarlett and Breaker escape, CC and Destro escape with the Baroness...and..Duke...WORKING TOGETHER TO TAKE THEM DOWN???
No no no no no no no no no does not fucking COMPUTE!! The Baroness would NOT ever change sides! She wouldn't kill Duke, BUT she wouldn't just change sides. Arrrrrrrrrrrgh.
Rant #3: SE would NEVER, ever kill SS. Oh, so sorry. Didn't see that coming? NEITHER DID I!! SE and SS epic battle involved swords, and after slicing the crap out of SS, SE stabs SS and he falls into the icy water. *sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh*
Duke and Baroness catch CC and Destro, who are the n taken prisoner, and the Baroness, while a prisoner, is then taken to a medical lab where those nasty, evil nanobots will slowly be taken out of her system...where...she ...should make a full recovery. *groan*
Good guys win, but guys caught, the world saved.
GO JOE.
So what do I think? Well, the effect were spectacular. The characters were developed really well, and even though it wasn't true to the comic books - or cartoon - not from what I remember, anyway, it was entertaining enough.
The twists at the end make it worth seeing.
So, where to begin? How about the beginning?
We are first introduced to the bad guy (McCullen) pimpin' his nano-technology to NATO. Mmmkay. A shipment of 4 warheads using this nano-technology (which can destroy a city by eating everything in sight until the warhead specific kill switch is deployed) are going to be DRIVEN (because planes would be what?? FASTER??) to the NATO pickup loacation.
Enter Duke, not yet part of Joe, and Ripcord (played by M. Wayan) to provide security with their troop. As they are driving in some remote area, a very cool looking plane comes in for the attack, using a blue-laser technology that kicks Duke's troop's ass.
Wait. I understand that we need to make sure everyone know the bad guys can kick ass, but weren't the good guys and bad guys on even ground with their ass-whoopin' toys?? Let's continue...
So enter Baroness...yeah yeah she looks good, but when she sees Duke, she falters, and instead of killing him, just takes the warheads and attempts to leave.
Wait. Duke and Baroness were LOVERS?? WTF??
After casting Duke a googly-eyes glance the Joes descend. A messy battles ensues, with the Joes recovering the warheads and taking the only two survivors, Ripcord and Duke, back to "the Pit", or Joe headquarters. Enter Scarlett, General Hawk, Breaker, The British Black Guy who is the Ammo expert, and Snake Eyes.
A mass testosterone induced "yeah I can train as a Joe and be better than any recruit" ensues for Duke and Ripcord, who join the Joes after some intense training with a stupid played out song over top of the training. Duke lets it be known that he knows the Baroness, aka Ana, and what she used to be all about.
Before I continue, they injected several flashback scenes into the movie to further develop each character. It was a nice effect for the most part, except when the epic battles were taking place. I don't care that the Baroness was having flashbacks of kissing Duke!! So here are the developments:
Duke and Ana and Rex: Duke and Ana are obviously lovers, and before being deployed, Duke pops the question to Ana. She says yes, and makes Duke promise that he will protect her brother Rex, the only family she has. *groan* Duke agrees, and off they go. rex is killed in action (what? you didn't see that coming?) and leaves Ana since he couldn't face her. SO the bitch lost out on the love of her life AND her brother. And she went to the evil side? Say it ain't so!!
McCullen: Back in the 1400's, McCullen's ancestor was busted for dealing arms to both sides (English and French, I think) so he was forced to wear a metal mask for the rest of his life. Fast forward to today, where the "Destro" of today is a...you guessed it...arms dealer who deals to both sides.
Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow: Ah yes, the two ninjas who kick awesome ass in this movie. They weren't brothers, as you might have thought, but SS was a rich boy that beat up SE when he broke in and tried to steal food. SS Master invited SE in as a guest, and he kind of just stuck around. SS hated this, so he "trained", or beat his ass, regularly. One day, SE was the better "student", and the Master was very pleased. Well, this pissed of SS and he knifed the old Master. SE took a vow of silence..wait, what? Ugh, whatever. So the two are mortal enemies.
Scarlett: Um, well, she is just a brainiac who graduated college at 12.
Alright, thus ends the character development. So, where were we? Ah ok, The Pit. Of course, the enemy regroups and decides to get the case back. Enter "Cobra Commander", although he is never really introduced as such, and by the way, WHERE THE HELL IS YOUR COBRA MASK?? he tells Destro all about his drones he makes by injecting "recruits" with nanobots....oh come on! You mean that in today's world, people can't really just join the bad guys, they have to be INJECTED?! So his "drones", SS and Baroness go after The Pit to get the warheads which is in a case that has a tracking devi...*sigh*. Really? Ok, ok, let's go on.
Enter Epic battle - Cobra VS Joe on Joe's own stomping grounds. remember what I said about the blue laser that kicks Joe's asses? Well, it's back. Now here is a major rant of mine...
Both Joe and Cobra HAD THE SAME TYPE OF TECHNOLOGY. And it wasn't shoot-'em-up bullets, they were lasers. Joe was BLUE, Cobra was RED. But it was almost always an equal battle. No, not here.
Cobra possess some really bad-ass laser types that annihilate the Joe base. Warheads taken. The enemy leave.
The warheads are activated. Let's go to Paris, where SS and Baroness try to destroy Paris by launching the warhead at the Eiffel Tower. Here, and only here, are where the power suits come in. After a long, LONG chase scene, the warhead is launched. The nanobots start to destroy Paris, but Duke catches up to Baroness,who has the kill switch, and as she jumps onto the get away, er ship, he presses the kill button (located conveniently on her belt). Bye bye Duke - to the enemy base.
At the Cobra base, the Baroness meets up with Destro and Cobra Commander. CC decides to make Duke a drone, and the Baroness has problems controlling...her..emotio...really?? REALLY??
Rant #2: Baroness is a fucking BAD GUY! She had the hots for Duke, but she wouldn't ...ah, never mind. The worst is yet to come.
Hey, thank goodness that damn case with the warheads HAS A TRACKING DEVICE!! For the love of...ya know, I would have ditched the case! Any...way...the remaining 3 warheads are settled into missiles and launched (one good thing is there is no monologue-ing here - got warheads? Check. Missiles? Check. Launch...now. 5 second countdown, not 24 hour countdown. Good job.) so the 4 Joes (Scarlett, Breaker, SE, Ripcord) get to the enemy base in time to see the missiles launched. Love that tracking device. So anywho, a Night Raven (secret type of jet) is conveniently perched at the entrance of the secret lair which only has 2 guards...whatever...and off Ripcord goes to save the world.
Scarlett and Breaker have to get to the missile control spot in the lair so they can guide Ripcord, and SE...well, he goes off looking for the "Pulse Cannon" control room, because the rest of the Joe team just arrived underwater, and the Cobra blue-laser thingie is kicking their ass. Once in the missile control room, Scarlett and Breaker guide Ripcord to destroying the missiles and save the world. But, what about Duke?
Duke is set up in the operating room so that CC can infect him with the nanobots and make him a drone. I won't give away the twist there, but enter the Baroness, all kinds of pissed off that someone is going to fuck up her old lover. She tried to stop CC, but- oh wait! SHE is infected with nanobots too, and that makes HER a drone!! Oh well SURE! Of course! She wouldn't be THAT much of a bitch to join an evil army hell bent on getting revenge on her lover!! The Baroness is down, Destro comes in all pissy that HIS fuck buddy is laying on the floor, and Duke gets away, carrying the Baroness while CC and Destro....well, run for their lives because the Joes are kicking their ass since SE destroyed the Pulse Cannon.
Epic battle/chase scene. SE vs SS, Scarlett and Breaker escape, CC and Destro escape with the Baroness...and..Duke...WORKING TOGETHER TO TAKE THEM DOWN???
No no no no no no no no no does not fucking COMPUTE!! The Baroness would NOT ever change sides! She wouldn't kill Duke, BUT she wouldn't just change sides. Arrrrrrrrrrrgh.
Rant #3: SE would NEVER, ever kill SS. Oh, so sorry. Didn't see that coming? NEITHER DID I!! SE and SS epic battle involved swords, and after slicing the crap out of SS, SE stabs SS and he falls into the icy water. *sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh*
Duke and Baroness catch CC and Destro, who are the n taken prisoner, and the Baroness, while a prisoner, is then taken to a medical lab where those nasty, evil nanobots will slowly be taken out of her system...where...she ...should make a full recovery. *groan*
Good guys win, but guys caught, the world saved.
GO JOE.
So what do I think? Well, the effect were spectacular. The characters were developed really well, and even though it wasn't true to the comic books - or cartoon - not from what I remember, anyway, it was entertaining enough.
The twists at the end make it worth seeing.